despite threats of eviction from the property owner of our building, i decided to focus on finishing the text for the graphic novel instead of being a Blue Assed Fly - anyway, half of my shit is already on ebay for sale, so i was already going down that road regardless... tho the thought of living without my red piano is UNBEARABLE, and i will miss this room in my haven -- the only place i've ever lived longer than 2 years in my life -- and it's been over ten. so it might be difficult to leave this haus that i love, but Not So Difficult to leave this city now that it has become merely a reminder of all the things i wish i would have been more grateful for while they were still here... can't say i'm gonna miss many people in general, since i obviously - oh never mind. pointless to end that sentence.
here's a couple things that DO Matter, especially after having thoughts about people and society that leaves me feeling completely irrelevant and invisible:
1 - discovered today after recording music on various instruments for over 12 hours that i nurture my gear, both electronic and acoustic, as if they were my children. then i looked around the room, and after doing a short count, concluded That They ARE My Children, as there is One Musical Instrument that i cherish for every child i Did Not Give Birth To and Try To Raise Alone With No Money and No Clue As To How Damaged I Was & How Incapable I Would Have Been To Raise A Child Without Doing Irreparable Harm- Thus Continuing The Vicious Cycle Of Violence.... i owe so much to Planned Parenthood, and the instinctual knowledge that there was No Fucking Way i was gonna be somebody's mom...
[this, of course, is the same reason why i cannot be anybody's fucking girlfriend either.]
2 -. finished the text to the [first part] of the Children of the Black Sun graphic novel/animation thing....
(* if it's Ever REALLY Finished*) writing is hard. it's like whiskey.
i love/hate it ...
*u can call me ph!*
