blue monday

 

FAIR WARNING, this is the polar opposite of a dance track, SO TURN IT UP!

recorded this in about 2 or 3 takes on monday afternoon. 
it's the newest addition for of the upcoming deletist / big black butthole
"3rd class" cover songs album. i say 'album' loosely as i only wish i had the money 
to release on vinyl, even if just for the thrill of making the album cover, 
and including all the crazy inner sleeve art.
you know how it was growing up...  

it's not perfect, but i am learning how to "highlight the imperfections" rather than strive 

for some insane and unrealistic version of perfection that never happens anyway. 
besides, it's just noise. albeit this one was a rather sad noise, but, you know after 
the last 6 months i've had, it's not surprising something sad, 
instead of immensely wrathful, came out of me.
of course, it was followed by 13 solid hours of crying. 
i knew it was all gonna come out of the holes in my face sooner or later.

afterward, i felt clean 
and ok with letting all that shit + *bloodlust* go...
crawling out from the catharsis bath..... 
quite a nice change of pace really.

not to say i don't still owe a couple people One Swift Kick In The Nuts.

so, yeah, cover songs. don't sue me.
i'm unemployed.
it would be a total waste of your precious time.

if it is indeed true that ox is correct and our unemployment 
has been extended, then that time, 
you will see the results of unkempt productivity as it spews out from my damaged brain. 
ok?

you SURE you're ok with that?

oh well, i'm gonna do it anyway.

thanks for your interest and support.
you know there's nothing worse than being ignored
and having your efforts devalued.

so remember:

DON'T BE A DICK!

 

free mp3 downloads

because listening should always be free. 

Big Black Butthole ist Deletist spiele auf das blut in der Bleakhaus!

noise & doom blog now up - 
scraped together by the deletist a.k.a. big black butthole for news, photos, videos, audio, 
reviews and opinions concerning local sf noise shows whether or not they are held inside bleakhaus - 
it's a bedroom overlooking mission street, not really a friggin concert hall, yo. 
  
besides booking other bands, i also plays cello / oboe / piano / harmonium / blood in other projects ::  
Weltschmerz - cellos of doom! 
Das Blut - self-mutilation causes bleeding during minimalist instrumental improvisations. 
die der das - is an alarm call. 
and one as of yet unnamed project performing Murder Ballads. 

yeah. so that's that. i play lots of free shows.

the art of dying

finished some new paintings.  and it felt good. 

this one is called Tsunami Tsurvivor. i immediately gave it to my friend jenner 
for helping me cope during that difficult break up with the guy who sent me 
into a post-traumatic stress induced psyche ward visit, involuntarily...

not fun. 

it's always easier to let go on a piece of free foam core or wood that you found 
in the street for free than it is to get all stressed out about how Good it might 
turn out having spent too much money on canvas and shit...

lately, i've realized i'm one of those people that's always late to the party. 

most of the things i become interested in are on their last legs in terms of 
viable options in this ever expanding smart phone world with apps up the ass. 
i have neither. but i still use an slr camera with black and white film when i can 
cuz the magik of light on metal will somehow always mean more to me that the 
digital interpretation of that alchemic dance. 

not that i don't love low light situations 
and the flexibility digital cameras can have at night. they're also good for shooting 
weird pictures in your room at 3am while naked and freaking out about 
what the fuck yer gonna do when the unemployment check runs out....

SPEAK TO ME NOT OF JUSTICE FOR NONE HAVE I EVER SEEN

though i'm still learning the ins and outs of tattooing, i love it already.

whenever a certain mood comes over me, it's the best and most

productively creative cure.

this first attempt is a quote from an Emperor song 
that is one of the most beautiful lines i've ever felt  
toll on my death bell.

there are a lot of other things i could do to myself 
that would be a hell of a lot worse than  

drawing into my skin.

and i can't be all that bad of a tattoo artist 
as it just got included on Word Made Flesh! 
a site for literary tattoos..
makes you wanna read more.
yay...

thanks to the recluse for validating my little cold world...

blinded by the blight.

so angry... 

booze and/or drugs don't even soften it up anymore. 
the lies, betrayal, the manipulation, the self-deprecation, etc.
all the wonderful things intimacy brings out in people.

even the few "good" memories just seem like a huge pathetic waste of time now.

oh well. 
i'll make the emotional hail come out in some manner of productiveness,
(as if i had a choice) 

in some volatile burst of creation. 

relationships continue to be the one thing i cannot master.

art and music are so much more fulfilling.

they might be equally disappointing though, when no one notices 

and you hear that voice in your head say,

"all that work for nothing." 

but it's better than being beaten to death by some dickhead 

for absolutely  

no reason.

it's the simple things that keep you in line with yourself.